You know, if you hadn't been goofing off all week, you wouldn't be so stressed out about Monday's deadline.

Oh yah, and you wouldn't have to work this Saturday, either.

When I found myself single again, I totally threw out all the "rules" that I used to have about prospective partners. I think most folks think this: "Oh, I'd never date someone who is like this, or does that," at some point or another. And it's not that I am getting less selective in my old age, rather, I am trying really hard to keep an open mind.

So, BookGuy is a daddy.

To say that children make me nervous is a huge understatement. I get panicked when I have to deal with them. If they are tiny babies, I am afraid I'll hurt them. If they are little kids, I just don't know how to interact with or talk to 'em. I think I either lost or never had that playful "inner child" that psychologists and talk show hosts rave about. When I was a kid, I was raised in the old school "seen and not heard" way. I was an only child, and really only got to hang out and play when I was at school, and barely then, since I was in advanced classes. It's my theory that other people can reach back into their brain and experiences and summon up those carefree memories of play.

Me? I'm not so good at that. I've told BookGuy about this, and he gave me the ever-so-helpful "be yourself" advice. Hmmm. I was skeptical. "But I'm not good with kids," I whined. "They can smell my fear."

Of course, I've met Bookguy's son before, albeit briefly. Both Roxie the Wonderpup and I have attended some baseball games (go Pirates!) that he's played in. But last night we spent extended time together, the three of us and Roxie.

Dammit. That BookGuy. He was right.

I was just my regular self (without the potty mouth.) Oh, and I removed the penis-cupcake tins (a story for another day) from the wall in my kitchen. We played Uno Spin. There was much romping with Roxie. We all went to eat at the little man's favorite place. I had a tuna melt.

...and an awesome time. I had been looking forward to getting to see these two guys, big and little, interact with one another. What I saw made my heart just sing; the way they were together was free and easy and loving. I didn't say a whole lot, but I watched and grinned from ear to ear. I had FUN playing Uno. I got a kick outta the little guy mixing together ketchup and mustard for his fries.

Now, I'm not saying that my ovaries are rumbling or anything like that. I'm just bustin' down the walls of my preconceived notions all over the place.

However, behaving like this:

....towards me,
Isn't really gonna get anything accomplished any faster. Just so you know!

So, please don't take your life's frustrations out on me, m'kay? We're all in this heat thing together.

Kisses and hugs,
The receptionist at Green NonProfit

PS: Confidential to the woman who called earlier- perhaps if that driveway is such a problem, you might want to think about moving. I'm just sayin' :)

I am talking about my adoration for my boys, the Boston Red Sox.

It's just not cool to dig the BoSox here in the Heartland. Sure, there are Yankees hats galore to be seen out and about in the youth in the area- always jauntily cocked and accompanied with with other poor fashion choices like badly fitting pants. The Detroit Tigers, with the best record in baseball (who woulda thunk?) are enjoying a wave of renewed popularity.

I am in maligned minority. It has gotten to the point that I almost want to embrace random stangers who I see out and about with Boston caps on. We are a precious few out here. My coworkers are relentless teasers..."How aaaahhhh yer Baaaaahhhhhstun Guys?" "Is David Wells evah gonnah be healthy enuff to pitch again?" Ay yi yi.

All I know is that when the boys won the World Series in 2004, I knew it was gonna be their night. I was awed by the eclipse. Is it too dorky to say that the heavens were even giving off a show of celebration?

Um, yah. It would be. Anyhoo...

My dad was a huge BoSox fan. He was a teacher, so he had all summer off to watch the bulk of the season on television. We never talked about baseball (or anything else, for that matter), but I remember Sox games playing all the time on tv. They formed the background music of my youthful summers. I didn't understand the game. I kinda knew the rules from the truncated version of baseball we played in gym class.

I remember the 1986 World Series. It was to be the last summer my father would spend in our home. I remember him holding his head in his hands as the ball silently rolled between Bill Buckner's legs. I didn't know what the big deal was, nor would I until many years later.

I now know enough about the rules of baseball and the rules of life to know the tragedy of that moment and others in Red Sox history. And the joys! Big Papi, you are da MAN!"

EDIT: For a glowing review of the hallowed Park of Fenway, go to Jenny's Journal. (sigh) She was at the Sunday night BoSox game. Jealous? You bet I am, but I'm glad she shared. Jenny, you rock!

We have had 90+ degree weather for what seems like weeks on end. I was crowing last month about my electric bill: "Wow! It's only $35!" Yah, this month? I doubt it will be that cheap. I have been running the central air in my swanky one-bedroom apartment fairly constantly for the past two weeks. Luckily, last winter, I installed a programmable thermostat that raises and lowers the temperature to reasonable (and affordable) levels.

As a kid in Massachusetts, our modest (uh, small) three bedroom ranch didn't have such a luxury as central air. The house was a basic rectangular ranch, with the kitchen/ living area on one end, and the bedrooms on the other end. We had one very hard working wall unit air conditioner that was mounted in a window in the dining room. It cooled off the "living" part of the house, while the bedrooms remained hot and muggy. On truly oppressive nights, we moved our mattresses into the living room and slept on the floor. Otherwise, we lay in bed with box fans whirring and pushing warm air around. That's just the way it was, and God forbid anyone bitch about it.

Now, these many years later, I still feel like I am utterly spoiled by having air conditioning...throughout my entire place. I know that no self-respecting homebuilder/ apartment developer would build a residence without it now, but geez. I remember getting by without it, and it wasn't that bad. I remember the heat, sure, but I also remember the nights that I lay awake listening to the heat bugs and crickets, and looking out my bedroom window at the fireflies.

I've had lots of jobs in my day, none of them particularly glamorous. Before I went back and got my degree, I thought I was doomed to have jobs like being an Elf here in western Massachusetts. Once I was edu-ma-cated, I thought that my employment would include tasks with more depth and substance.

This really hasn't been the case.

I have been working at jobs where I have more responsibility and pay, but I'm still doing "transactional" tasks. I am getting bored with these types of jobs. After about 8-9 months of doing the same thing, day in/ day out, I get bored. There's comfort, of course, in pretty much always knowing what to do and what to expect from each workday. I'm hardly ever truly surprised by the things that go on from day to day.

I have a "desk job" now, and it's cushy. I work for a green non-profit that actually does some good in the community. I'm fulfilled by that fact, and by the fact that I make enough to cover my expenses with a little extra earmarked for savings. I like my coworkers, and enjoy my work environment.

I don't think of what I do as a "career," though. I think of it as a job. The upside is that I can shut down my computer at night, turn off the lights, and not think about work until the next time I walk through the door. I have some responsibility, but not too much. I don't ever want to be like my ex-husband was: online 7 days a week responding to emails and such. Sure, he made major bucks, but seemed to give up a lot of his life and soul to accomplish that.

A little more cerebral work would be good for me though. I miss problem solving and being in an environment where there are deadlines and motivation. I like being challenged. I like having to be retrained and having to deal with change. I adore learning new skills and using them. I'm not getting that where I am now, nor have I gotten that at any of the places I've worked, unless I have clawed my way up for a promotion or two. Even then, my malaise creeps in as if I am stagnating. I get restless.

I am lucky that my part of the state is in an economic upturn right now. A little startup called Google is coming to town, bringing with it potentially 1000 employment opportunities. This type of move usually means that other companies will say (hopefully!) that southeastern Michigan is the place to be! I've been keeping my resume' updated and have been looking "just in case."

I hate to think of my gig here at green nonprofit as transitional, you know, something to get me back in the workforce and back on my feet economically, but I think that's what it's been. We'll see what the future holds for me.

((wandering off....humming the "Mary Tyler Moore" theme))

Appetizer
What's the funniest dream you can remember having?

I remember a dream where cows figured prominently. I can't remember the plot, but i do remember sitting straight up in bed, laughing my ass off saying "The cows! The cows!"

Sleeping with me? An adventure.

Soup
If you were a dog, what breed would you be, and why?

I don't think it would really matter what kind of pup I was as long as I was well cared for. And loved and adored and given multiple bellyrubs per day. So, basically I want to be my dog.

Salad
Continue this sentence: "I get confused when..."

...I have to read a map. I have always had difficulty with graphically represented information: maps, charts, etc. I think it's just how my brain is wired! I can read a map, but I have to really concentrate. This is not good on road trips there I am serving as "navigator."

Main Course
Name two things that need to be done, but you are procrastinating in completing.

1. Putting up a new shower liner. The package has been sitting on my bookcase for almost a month.

2. Planning knitting/ craft projects for the holidays and ordering the supplies. Ugh. Much as I love being creative I hate the muss and fuss of the holidays. Bleah. Humbug.

Dessert
When was the last time you tried something new, and what was it?

I recently "re-tried" some lamb at La Shish, a fabulous Middle Eastern restaurant in the area. I'm usually not a big fan of lamb; I think it has a wierd, gamey taste. However, this lamb, in thin slices, was inundated with spices and smoke. It was also melt-in-your-mouth tender. Mmmmm.

One of the things I have not done very much of in my nearly seven years of living in Michigan is get out and see more of my adopted home. Most of the vacations I've taken in the recent past (though they were all lovely) have been to tropical places, family places, or cool United States locales.

When BookGuy suggeested that we go camping sometime, I was excited and nervous. Golly, I hadn't been camping since the mid-1990's. That was two husbands, one dog, and six moves ago! Luckily, he is an old pro at camping. He had the gear, the know-how, and (allegedly) the patience to take me on a little trip.

We decided to start off gently to break me back into the Great Outdoors. This past weekend we went to a campground that had amenities available, specifically, flush toilets and showers. I'm all for roughing it, and I have done the whole "diggin' a hole and doin' the Hover" thing, but I wasn't into it for this trip. There was to be tent-pitching and grilling and fire-making and cuddling under sleeping bags.

So, where did we go? Higgins Lake, which was about a three hour drive from my comfort zone of southeastern Michigan. When we arrived, we set about making camp. Oh, we roughed it with our air mattress and Coleman drip coffeemaker. There was a well-stocked grocery store a mile away from the campground. Aaaaah. Did I mention the toilets?

The best part of camping was just relaxing outside. There was nothing to do except for making sure we were clean(ish), warm, and fed. I shut off my cell phone for over 48 hours. There was no Internet. We had no television, or portable DVD player. Sure, we brought a radio and a pile of cd's. But we also brought cards! And conversation. BookGuy and I talked with each other and enjoyed each others' company for days. It was rejuvenating in a way that I had forgotten was possible.

On Friday night, I woke up at about 2am. I opened my eyes and looked upward. Beyond the tent screen, I saw hundreds of stars. They were twinkly and bright. I inhaled deeply, taking in the cool, crisp night air. I was fully content. That feeling stayed with me all weekend, and was carried within me through the beginning of this week.

Now that is the mark of a good vacation.

**I'm hanging up the phone and yelling at the person that was on the line waaaaay too often. Part of my job is dealing with the general public, and sometimes when I have to deal with a real asshat or crankenpuss, I voice my frustrations after I hang up the phone. Y'know, endearments like: "Get a phone book, you dumbass!" and "Do you feel better after cussing me out, asshole?"

Ahem.

**I wore my bra to work inside out yesterday. Didn't notice till after lunch. Didn't care.

**I keep getting up from my desk to do something, and I can't remember why I'm up and about. I've been spaced out at: the copier, in the hallway, and walking out the front door of the building. This has the potential to be dangerous.

**Someone asked me to do something really simple, like "photocopy this," and I had to go back and ask 'em three times to repeat their request. Space cadet alert!

**I'm snippy. I'm never snippy! I'm really nice!

Thank goodness I have a camping trip with BookGuy planned and I am taking Thursday and Friday off this week. My sanity (and the safety of my coworkers) may depend on it.

Appetizer
Name one thing nice that you could do for someone else today.

I could give BookGuy a nice backrub.

Soup
When was the last time you were frightened by the weather?

Two summers ago, a wicked line of thunderstorns rolled through the Mitten. The sky was lime green, and I was clutching onto my dog Gus for dear life.

Salad
What would you say is the most useful website or blog that you visit?

Right off the top of my head, I'd say Google, but that's too obvious! Besides the Googly ones, I'd go with Simply Recipes. Elise always has great cooking ideas and shopping alerts for cool cooking gadgets.

Main Course
Who was your favorite singer/group when you were a child?

I was in love with The Glen Campbell song "Rhinestone Cowboy" when I was a kid. I had a groovy orange record player and a 45 RPM single that I played over and over and over again. As I re-read the lyrics as an adult, I realize that this song wasn't exactly kid-friendly fare.

Dessert
Do you have any rituals? If so, what are they?

When I get up in the morning, I MUST first go and turn on the coffeepot. Then, I take care of my furry princess Roxie.

Yah, I downloaded it.

I feel so dirty, and it wasn't even that good.

There are some people who spend a lot of time at work mainly avoiding work. Just imagine what they could achieve if they actually channelled that energy into, oh, I don't know....doing their jobs.

Appetizer
On average, approximately how many times per day do you yawn?

Oh dear...before coffee, about 20 times. At work in a meeting? Uh...do the stifled ones count? At home, before I surrender to bed, I only allow myself 5.

Soup
What was your most memorable school field trip?

When I was in the 7th grade, I went with my Catholic school classmates to New York City. It was loud and energetic. My group got "lost" and separated from our chaperones. We saw a Broadway play and then roamed the city. I got my first taste of freedom on that trip.

Salad
Fill in the blank: I was extremely __________________ this week.

I was extremely crabby this past week. Last week was a suckfest at work from Monday till noon on Wednesday.

Main Course
Which color do you think of when you hear the word "soothing"?

I think of lavender. Is it cheating if I think of the plant too?

Dessert
What is something that, if you had to, you could save up the money to buy within one month?

Geez...no matter what vet bills Roxie had, I'd beg, borrow, steal, or oh yeah save my way to what she needed.

Until tonight.

There is a man (of COURSE it's a man....who else would throw items of every single color under the sun all together in one load) who has been hoggin' up the washer since 5:30, when I got home. In college, I'd be hardcore about pulling other people's crap out of washers. Damn you! ((shaking fist at the sky)) I need clean panties!

Ahem.

Now that I am older and softer, I am more likely to rationalize. Perhaps this man had a call of the boo-tay. Hell, I'd take that over tossing my multi-colors in the dryer any day. However, my patience is wearing thin. I am 2.7 minutes away from giving those moist drawers the boot from the washer.

Tick tock. Fluff fold.

Update: Mr. Washerhogger has been booted. Harrumph. Damned kids today.

There is a different sort of intimacy that occurs when you sleep (as in catch z's) with someone. To me, it's even more intimate than sex. When I am asleep, I am unconscious and vulnerable. I might talk, or laugh, or (heaven forbid) fart. I've actually been known to do all three in rapid succession, but I digress...

My bed is my sanctuary. I sleep there. I read there. I cuddle with Roxie there. To me, it is my most private and guarded place. To let someone in there for an 8-10 hour stretch is hard for me. I tried it within the context of a casual relationship, and it felt wrong. I slept poorly with Transition Man in my bed. Roxie was constantly try to burrow in between us, which did not bode well at all.

With BookGuy, everything is different. I welcome his presence. I don't feel pressured. I feel safe and relaxed. He is secure enough to get up and do his own thing while I continue to snooze with Miss Roxie. Yes, I know that seems like a small thing, but my ex-husband would take great offense if I slept even 15 minutes later than he did. "Do you not want to spend time with me???" he would whine. (((sigh))) BookGuy is comfortable with himself. This morning, he got up, made coffee, and set himself up outside with some readig material. When I staggered out with my own cuppa coffee and bedhead, he was fine. Fine, as in, pleased to see me, but not stressed that it had taken me awhile longer to scrape myself outta bed.

For the first time in a long time, I am at peace.