In the past month, my soon to be ex and I have been working with our attorneys and a mediator to hammer out a divorce agreement. We’re doing it this way to avoid a costly and lengthy litigation process.
Part of what we have had to do is make a master list of our assets and liabilities. It’s not that complex; it’s just a matter of getting together all the stuff we have, and all our debts.
But oh, how interesting that would prove to be.
The assets were easy. There were a few bank accounts, our cars, the house, 401K’s, etc. No biggie. We have what we have.
The liabilities were not so easy. My husband had always kept the finances, paying the bills and such. I mean, I knew basically what was going on, but not the day to day nitty gritty.
Oh, you think you know where this is going, and you know what? You’re probably right.
After much wrangling and downright threatening by my attorney, I finally got to take a gander at the credit card bills from April to September.
That was when I found out he had spent $13,000 on other women.
OK, let that sink in a minute.
The story those statements told was a sordid and sad one. He started in April by signing up for online dating services. Then, there were the one day stays in hotels in various locations in Michigan. Then there were the flowers. Oh, and let’s not forget the trips: Hilton Head, Boca Raton, and Minneapolis.
Huh. I don’t remember getting any flowers OR going on any trips.
I also don’t remember getting asked for a divorce till June.
When I found out about this, I was surprised….and yet not. I thought I would be spitting-fire-spewing-profanity angry. But, I wasn’t. I really just felt sad for my soon to be ex. I did, and do feel like he was rather manipulative. I am still working through all that, and will continue to for awhile.
Now, I am no angel. I know the allure of new flesh and the excitement of a new relationship, particularly when in a bit of a rut in one’s marriage. I’ve fallen for that quick fix. I’m acquainted with the yearning for more, more, more of something, anything to fill up an unnamed emptiness. That’s why I’ve worked my ass off in therapy. I’ve tried to get to the root of why I’ve felt that way in the past, and how I’m going to deal with those emotions in the future.
Instead of anger, I think of my soon to be ex husband with sadness. I hope he finds what he’s looking for, but healthily. The road he’s on now will only leave him with a belly aching for more substance. I know that gnawing, and don’t wish it on anyone.